Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The Olympian is in my bed
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
