He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
