This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
