He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
