And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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