im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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