what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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