Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
