ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
