Plan B is the new Plan A
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
