I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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