There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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