You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You're like the curious george of whores
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
