did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
