Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
