my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
