Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
two words...techno handjob
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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