this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
