Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
