I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
