im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i think my cat just said my name.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
