My friends, they love my intelligence
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
