I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
