After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Rumble strips road head = magical
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
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I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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