someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
