I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
