Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
