Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
