i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
