I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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