i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Boobs speak an international language.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
