I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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