Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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