I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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