i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
