I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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