quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Houston, we have a blender
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
