I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My ass is underappreciated
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
