I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
