I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
