Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
