theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
