Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I am one with the molecules
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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