His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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