I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
