I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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