Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
