false alarm. still invincible.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
