Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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