who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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