sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
time to smoke my breakfast
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
