I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
