I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
