he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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