When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How external is "for external use only"?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
