I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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