just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
