ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
