just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
