I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
