please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
