So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
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The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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