I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
