I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
