look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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