remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
