we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
