I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
