I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
