I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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