wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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