I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
