can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
did i walk over a car last night?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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