I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
