He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
