I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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