Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
