I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
